Saturday, January 13, 2007

Idiots of 2006

Number One Idiot of 2006 >>>>>>>I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the> >poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because> >she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that> >the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter> >into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation> >happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in> >order> >to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the> >emergency room right away.> >> >Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >> >Number Two Idiot of 2006> >> >Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a> >life raft from> >one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and> >home. Shortly after> >they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard> >helicopter> >coming towards> >them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency >locator> >beacon that> >activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at> >Boeing.> >> >> >Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >Number Three Idiot of 2006> >> >A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch> >and> >wrote this:> >"Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give> >his> >note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the> >note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So> >he> >left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.> >After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells >Fargo> >teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he >wasn't> >the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his> >stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and> >that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go> >back> >to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and >left.> >He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at >Bank> >of America.> >> >Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >Number Four Idiot of 2006> >>&g t;A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; >measured> >his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the> >mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent> >the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he> >received> >a letter from the police that contained another> >picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.> >> >Wise guy........ but you still get a sign> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >Number Five Idiot of 2006> >> >A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all >of> >the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, >the> >robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the> >shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier> >refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber> >said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she> >didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license >out> >of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and> >agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the> >bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier >promptly> >called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got> >off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.> >> >This guy definitely needs a sign.> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >Idiot Number Six of 2006> >> >A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving> >revolvers.> >The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the >startled> >first bandit shot him.> >> >This g uy doesn't even deserve a sign> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> >> >Idiot Number Seven of 2006> >> >Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided> >that> >he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some> >booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head> >at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.> >It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event> >was caught on videotape.> >> >Yep, Here's your sign> >> >(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)> >> >IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently> >had> >a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request> >the> >removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many> >deer> >are being hit by cars> >out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing> >anymore." From Kingman , KS> >______________________________________________________> >> >IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and> >ordered> >a taco.> >She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he> >was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From> >Kansas> >City !> >> >______________________________________________> >IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an> >airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without> >your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how> >would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."> >> >Happened in Birmingham , Ala.> >_______________________________________________________> >> >IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes then its safe to> >cross> >the street . I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of> >mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it> >signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,> >"What> >on earth are blind people doing driving?!"> >She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS .> >___________________________________________________> >IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who> >was leaving the company due to" downsizing", our manager commented> >cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word> >was spoken. We all just looked at> >each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at> >Texas> >Instruments.> >________________________________________> >IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an in dividual who plugged her power strip> >back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand >why> >her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs> >office no less.> >____________________________________________________> >IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile> >dealership> >to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went> >to> >the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock> >the driver' side door. As I watched from> >the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered> >that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"> >His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the CHEVY> >dealership in Canton, Mississippi!> >> >STAY ALERT! They walk among u s ... and they REPRODUCE!

1 comments on "Idiots of 2006"

Sharon on Sunday, January 14, 2007 1:57:00 PM said...

Heidi, those were hilarious! I think the first one with the Mom giving her daughter ant poison is outrageous-what was she thinking. I can't wait to tell some of my fellow nurses that story.


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